went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
