i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
