I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
