you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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