how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
