now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We were destined to go to rehab together
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
