I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
