It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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