Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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