This girl is more easily done than said...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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