just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!