My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.