she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?