Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
