she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
