3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Damn victory sex feels great
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
