Having a random hookup so left but love u
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
