I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
