he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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