Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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