Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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