I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
