Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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