That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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