just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
