I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
