Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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