I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
