'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
