I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
