So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
