I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
