last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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