did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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