Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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