It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
