obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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