went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
