Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
