Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
