Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.

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  (303): I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight. http://tfl.nu/0aby
  Replies (18) Good night (4016) Bad night (1018)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.

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  (513): I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace. http://tfl.nu/1kl9
  Replies (27) Good night (787) Bad night (2472)
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  (925): View more from California

  They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

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  (925): They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah. http://tfl.nu/e2zc
  Replies (71) Good night (996) Bad night (6941)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.

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  (305): I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him. http://tfl.nu/ngz7
  Replies (19) Good night (917) Bad night (4588)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Yeah, but four times?

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  (702): Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it. (1-702): Yeah, but four times? http://tfl.nu/x8r7
  Replies (30) Good night (7441) Bad night (2114)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.

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  (732): Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million. http://tfl.nu/4jbr
  Replies (25) Good night (1122) Bad night (4256)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Found your dick twin last night

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  (402): Found your dick twin last night http://tfl.nu/4id4
  Replies (5) Good night (2287) Bad night (888)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.

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  (502): The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him. http://tfl.nu/w8du
  Replies (13) Good night (2034) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!

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  (352): I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas! http://tfl.nu/fx1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1920) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..

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  (215): i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be.. http://tfl.nu/8j64
  Replies (2) Good night (822) Bad night (1313)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.

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  (603): Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on. http://tfl.nu/oqbv
  Replies (1) Good night (1073) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know

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  (410): i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know http://tfl.nu/vpyl
  Replies (1) Good night (978) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked

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  (214): we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked http://tfl.nu/kx03
  Replies (2) Good night (1098) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.

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  (386): Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost. http://tfl.nu/901r
  Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night

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  (361): His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night http://tfl.nu/4mza
  Replies (1) Good night (396) Bad night (799)

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