Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
