She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter