I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there