ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
