If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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