I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
