Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.

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  (425): i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break. http://tfl.nu/5pkx
  Replies (21) Good night (3238) Bad night (670)
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  (914): View more from New York

  she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.

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  (914): she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice. http://tfl.nu/tgnz
  Replies (12) Good night (623) Bad night (3933)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock

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  (704): She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock http://tfl.nu/w4aw
  Replies (12) Good night (2812) Bad night (1191)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.

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  (920): Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven. http://tfl.nu/0uzd
  Replies (4) Good night (2111) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.

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  (919): Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok. http://tfl.nu/xw7f
  Replies (7) Good night (2839) Bad night (645)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"

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  (713): he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses" http://tfl.nu/ra51
  Replies (11) Good night (917) Bad night (1853)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...

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  (647): I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized... http://tfl.nu/nrq1
  Replies (13) Good night (1824) Bad night (793)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  were you high?

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  When?

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  Actually just blanket yes to that question

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  (505): were you high? (1-505): When? (1-505): Actually just blanket yes to that question http://tfl.nu/yc7i
  Replies (2) Good night (2106) Bad night (648)
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  (875): View more from

  I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.

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  (875): I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant. http://tfl.nu/vus0
  Replies (16) Good night (1048) Bad night (448)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I can feel my liver begging me to stop.

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  (479): I can feel my liver begging me to stop. http://tfl.nu/j2ah
  Replies (2) Good night (968) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."

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  (478): Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like." http://tfl.nu/6r4y
  Replies (6) Good night (1199) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.

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  (206): I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/0ln2
  Replies (7) Good night (2659) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I will make you one.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it

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  (417): I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal. (417): I will make you one. (417): Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it http://tfl.nu/hpb9
  Replies (5) Good night (993) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.

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  (740): mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot. http://tfl.nu/qbz3
  Replies (0) Good night (715) Bad night (274)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt

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  (416): 5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt http://tfl.nu/29z0
  Replies (1) Good night (639) Bad night (206)

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