Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs