do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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