After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
