Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
