Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
