I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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