Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
