After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
