take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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