Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
