Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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