woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
