I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
