Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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