Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
