I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
