2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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