me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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