He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
