Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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