I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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