Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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