we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
