i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
