"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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