I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
