I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
