This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
