I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
