"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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