it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
