so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
