O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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