Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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